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He says we should just appreciate what an amazing relationship we have.However, I feel as though my life's on hold - while he's had his youth and fun, and is now settled.I have moved on with my life (having remarried and had children) and have barely given him a second thought.However, hearing of his death has opened up old wounds.) is to tell you this doomed hole-in-corner fling is over.Dear Bel, I have recently discovered that my ex-husband died in tragic circumstances a while ago. I left him after years of physical and mental abuse, which consisted of systematic torture and humiliation - and resulted in the total loss of my confidence.
Afterwards, we met as friends but, after a few meetings, became lovers.
I'm racked by guilt because of his child - but not his wife, wrong as that may be.
I despise her because she has him and there is nothing I can do about it.
I'm desperate for commitment, but I can't walk away because I love him too much. I don't blame him because it was me who instigated the affair, and it's obviously had adverse effects on his life as well. He gets upset and jealous if I mention other boys, although he says he knows he can't stop me from seeing someone else. They'd accuse me of having a sleazy fling, whereas our relationship is built on love.
But I'm not interested and find myself longing to have his child, though I know this would only make things 1,000 times worse. I'm not eating or sleeping and I'm considering making an appointment to see my doctor for depression if things do not get better. GRACEDon't you think that 'love' has a lot to answer for?