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Men and women are both partaking in Guyland's culture of silence on college campuses, which results in what Wade calls the whoever-cares-less-wins dynamic.We all know it: When the person you hooked up with the night before walks toward you in the dining hall, you try not to look excited... When it comes to dating, it always feels like the person who cares less ends up winning.At Harvard, these are the eight all-male social groups called final clubs.Each club owns a beautiful mansion in Harvard Square, and many of them have existed for a century or more.But more important, they are known on campus as places where people party on the weekend.Women (but not non- member men) — and especially freshman girls — can choose to line up outside each house and be deemed worthy of entrance if the members consider them hot enough.When I asked my friend Alix, 22, also a recent Harvard grad, what the biggest struggle of college dating was for her, she didn't hesitate before saying: "I am terrified of getting emotionally overinvested when I'm seeing a guy.I'm scared of being totally honest." I've felt this way too.
The first rule of what he calls Guyland's culture of silence is that "you can express no fears, no doubts, no vulnerabilities." Sure, feminism appears to be all the rage on campus, but many self-identified feminists — myself included — equate liberation with the freedom to act "masculine" (not being oversensitive or appearing thin-skinned).
And when someone does want a relationship, they downplay it.
This leads to awkward, sub-text-laden conversations, of which I've been on both sides."The great irony is that no one seems to enjoy playing the whoever-cares-less-wins game.
We're all trying so hard not to care, and nobody's benefiting.
Who Has The When it comes to college dating today, guys seem to be in a position of power, calling the shots on sex and romance — partly because they're especially good at playing the who-ever-cares-less game and partly because of the male-dominated places women go to meet straight guys on campus.