"We tend to assume in our culture that if you have your needs met outside your relationship, some kind of detrimental effect is going to result, and that's not what we find here." Myth #2: Polyamorous people are still paired up Many polyamorous people do form relationships that orbit around a committed couple, with each person having relationships on the side.But the primary partner/secondary partner model is an oversimplification for many poly relationships, said Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist at Champlain College in Vermont.
It's true that polyamorous relationships take lots of time, said Elizabeth Sheff, a legal consultant and former Georgia State University professor who is writing a book on polyamorous families.And satisfaction with an outside partner didn't hurt the primary relationship.[6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage] "Polyamorous relationships are relatively independent of one another," Mitchell said in January at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology in New Orleans.Myth #3: Polyamory is a way to avoid commitment Research by Amy Moors, a graduate student at the University of Michigan, finds that people whose relationship style involves little emotional entanglement often say they'd love a polyamorous relationship, thinking that they could have the benefits of coupledom without too much attachment. Joining a polyamorous relationship and thinking it's going to be a commitment-free breeze would likely be a huge mistake.For one thing, plenty of polyamorous relationships are very serious and stable — Holmes says he's interviewed people who've been legally married for 40 years and in a relationship with a second partner for 20.